The Recurrence of Loss

So Abheek continued...
I used to think the cloud fades just once.
But then I realized it fades continuously,
Each moment, forever - leaving that sinking emptiness in heart,
Till eternity.

I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile.
Without telling you things and hearing your voice back!
I used to think atlast I got you forever!
Like the two sides of the river,
I thought we will live together till eternity in that bond ecstatic!

Then, that day arrived and it was so damn hard
But the next was harder.
And I knew with a sinking feeling
It was going to get worse and
I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time!
A very very long time!
Probably Never!

Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event.
It doesn't just happen once.
It happens over and over again.
I lose you every time I think of RS
I lose you every time I think of A'L
I lose you every time I listen to that song
I lose you every time I watch that movie
I lose you every time your favorite phrases appear in my memory!

I lose you every time I think of kissing you,
Holding you or wanting you.
I go to bed at night just to lose you again.
And when I wish I could tell you about my day,
Start from the early morning or then after the tired long day,
I lose you again.

With every breath I take in, I inhale a painful prick in my heart of your loss,
With every breath I release, I give away another moment of my life,
Sanctified with your bleeding Loss of your nearness.

Is this just a loss? Or is it something more?
For it is my own sacred secret.
It is my own sanctum, my special personal altar!
It is something very special - my own,
Which none can take away!
Its my well-cherished love,
My well-cherished pain!
For more than a decade of this life,
And countless births before..
Is not just another story of love!
It is a saga of the pursuit of God!

Praying for you...
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