The deepest of all bonds,
Do I share with you.
A bond that is alive,
Ever stronger,
Ever young!
The bond of the separatedness,
That indifference,
The thick connection
Of emptiness between us,
Holds me ever connected with you!
Your lost love,
Your indifference,
Your disgust,
Your hatred,
All holds me
Ever held connected
With bond
Which was never stronger
Nourished by the passing years!
Happy am I,
As the expanse of the
Warm earth connects me to you!
Always there is the same air
We both breathe!
The planet is the same
Which we inhabit!
Working, playing, and living,
In this shared world of ours,
In thank the almighty
For this ageless and unchangeable
Love and it's divine bliss!
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Copy Right © All rights reserved - Samrat Kar
Friday, October 29, 2010
Remembering you
The lyrics of the song,
The caress of the breeze,
The stillness of the moment,
The emptiness of the heart,
The eagerness of the eye,
All have teamed up remembering you!
For the beautiful remembrance is what
That keeps me entwined with you.
A bond so profound,
Death only can drown.
There is no fear to lose you!
For it was a remote past
When you left me!
Years have past by,
New ages have drawn on.
But have even a note waned
In the symphony of my love for you?
Being fastened forever with
Your remembrance,
This soul will cover its remaining journey.
With that next to impossible hope
That it will part this body,
Breathing the last breath
In your arms.
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Copy Right © All rights reserved - Samrat Kar
The caress of the breeze,
The stillness of the moment,
The emptiness of the heart,
The eagerness of the eye,
All have teamed up remembering you!
For the beautiful remembrance is what
That keeps me entwined with you.
A bond so profound,
Death only can drown.
There is no fear to lose you!
For it was a remote past
When you left me!
Years have past by,
New ages have drawn on.
But have even a note waned
In the symphony of my love for you?
Being fastened forever with
Your remembrance,
This soul will cover its remaining journey.
With that next to impossible hope
That it will part this body,
Breathing the last breath
In your arms.
______________________________________________
Copy Right © All rights reserved - Samrat Kar
Thursday, October 21, 2010
All About Love
One of the most profound books I have ever read on the subject of love is - "Why we Love" by the world famous anthropologist - Helen Fisher. This book is a must read for all who wants to delve deep into love and its nature. Following is a small note on the entire book. I have deliberately omitted mention of some informative sections which focus on how humans evolved since last 2 million years, and how romantic love also undertook is journey from an animal mating instinct to the primordial force behind most inspiring of human creations. In the note below I have focused on the love of the current era, and they way it manifests in our everyday life.
BEING IN LOVE
Perhaps the most intense, original, all-overriding and euphoric of all emotions humans have experienced in the past 2 million years of evolution is romantic love. Neurologists say that romantic love manifest due to the dances of the electrical signals in various regions of the brain, which are mainly associated with Lust, Attachment and Romance. The mosaic of these various neuron signals result due to the interplay of certain specific hormones in the body - both in the brain, and other parts of the body.
A person in love feels light. Often she says that there is a bounce in her feet. She is perennially happy. The beloved develops a special meaning for her. She misses him. Before relationship grows into romantic love, you may feel attracted to several different individuals, addressing your attention to one, then another. But eventually you begin to concentrate your attention on just one.
The love possessed person focuses almost all of his or her attention on the beloved, often to the detriment of everything and everyone around them, including work, family and friends.
The infatuated person also begins to magnify, even aggrandize tiny aspects of the adored one. If pressed, almost all lovers can list the things they do not like about their amor. But they cast these perceptions aside or persuade themselves that these defects are unique and charming.
Loss of appetite and sleeplessness are directly related to another of love's overwhelming sensations: tremendous energy. There is overwhelming need of emotional union between the lovers.
Lovers also become dependent on the relationship, very dependent.
Adversity often feeds the flame. Social or physical barriers kindle romantic passion. They enable one to discarded the facts and focus on the terrific qualities of the other. Even arguments or temporary breakups can be stimulating.
Although Freud and many other scholars maintained that sexual desire is a central component of romantic love, the desire for sexual intercourse and cravings for sexual fidelity are less important to the lover than the longing for emotional union with the beloved.
CHEMISTRY OF LOVE
Dopamine - A hormone - dopamine is the source of the feeling of focused attention towards the beloved, and the sense of attachment to the beloved. As dopamine increases in the brain, it often drives up levels of testosterone - both in men and women - the hormone for sexual desire.
Norepinephrine - A chemical derived from dopamine, may also contribute to the lover's high. Increase in the levels of Norepinephrine generally produces exhilaration, excessive energy, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite - some of the basic characteristics of romantic love.
Serotonin - The feeling of euphoria, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite, as well as the lover’s intense energy, focused attention, driving motivation, and goal - oriented behaviors, his/her tendency to regard the beloved as novel, and unique, and the lover's increased passion in the face of adversity might all be caused, in part, by heightened levels of dopamine and/or Norepinephrine in the brain.
And the lover’s obsessive cogitation about the beloved might be due to decreased brain levels of some type of serotonin.
WEB OF LOVE - Lust, Romance and Attachment -
These are three most powerful feelings associated with love. All these are independent of each other and are starkly distinct. A human is capable of feeling lust for one person, romance for another and attachment for someone else, all at the same time.
The independence of these emotions evolved among our ancestors to enable men and women to maintain several relationships at once. But this brain circuitry has created tremendous turmoil today - contributing to our worldwide patterns of adultery and divorce, the high incidence of sexual jealousy, stalking, and spousal battering, and prevalence of homicide, suicide, and clinical depression associated with spurned passion.
Taking control of passion - Making Romance Last -
The idea is to keep the level of dopamine high in the beloved. This fuels the attachment, and deepens romantic love. This is done by introducing novelty, newness, adventure in everyday life. Sense of humor is based on novelty. Also deliberately bringing the element of the unexpected elevates levels of dopamine in brain.
Sex associated with novelty, creativity and emotional union, flares up the production of testosterone and dopamine, leading to the wellbeing of the partners.
Following are the must DOs to be able to sustain a beautiful romantic relationship -
1. Commit
2. Listen actively to your partner
3. Ask questions.
4. Give answers.
5. Appreciate
6. Stay attractive
7. Keep growing intellectually. INCLUDE YOUR PARTNER
8. Give her privacy
9. Be honest and trustworthy
10. Tell your mate what you need
11. Accept his/her shortcomings
12. Mind your manners.
13. Exercise your sense of humor
14. Respect her
15. Compromise
16. Argue constructively.
17. Never threaten to depart
18. Forget the past
19. Say NO to adultery
20. Do not assume the relationship will last forever. Build it one day at a time.
21. NEVER GIVE UP
22. Let there be spaces in your togetherness. Being away for a month of couple of months every year is a good idea.
23. Develop an array of common interests and make a point of doing novel and executing things together.
24. VARIETY, VARIETY AND VARIETY - This stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain, maintaining the climate of romance.
POLYAMORY - Being in love with more than one person at a time.
Due to the independence of the circuitry of the brain centers of lust, attachment and love, there is a propensity of people in this age to enter into love with more than one person. This is known as Polyamory.
Polyamory is utopian - and impractical. Fundamentally humans are jealous beings. Romantic love is interwoven in a host of other motivations/emotion circuits in the brain including the other primary mating drives - lust and male-female attachment.
Although the 3 primary mating drives - lust, attachment and romantic love operate independently, human kind does not share love gracefully. We are basically jealous people. Not surprisingly polyamorous couples spend many hours every week sorting out their feelings of possessiveness and jealousy.
Overall love is a powerful emotion. It is a fire which can give warmth and wellbeing, and at the same time can burn the castle, if handled irresponsibly. The silver lining in human brain is that, humans can chose to use the pre-frontal cortex of human brain (the center of reason) and the "Amygdala" (center of brain for emotion) to use this powerful emotion to create an optimal existence of well-being.
Some interesting talks by Helen Fisher in ted.com on the similar topics -
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Copy Right © All rights reserved - Samrat Kar
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