Strange as it may seem,life becomes serene and enjoyable precisely when selfish pleasure and personal success are no longer the guiding goals.When self loses itself in a transcendent purpose, it becomes largely invulnerable to the fears and setbacks of ordinary existence.Psychic energy becomes focused on goals that are meaningful,that advance order and complexity, that will continue to have an effect in the consciousness of new generations long after our departure from this world, even after we are long forgotten.
- Csikszentmihalyi Mihaly
So very aptly and forcefully articulated by Prof Csikszentmihalyi, a fulfilled and happy life is about losing ego totally towards a purpose which is meaningful. A purpose which reduces entropy, and advances the evolution of mankind.
Extrapolating this noble thought into interpersonal relationships and the daily chores of our lives, it makes me think how most among us live fixated in an in-correct premise. Most of the times we lead a self-centered life. We have an un-conscious superstition, ingrained in our genes, is that we are the center of the universe, i.e. whatever happens in the planet, we try to link it to ourselves, and they we are getting impacted.
I was reading Helen Fisher the other day, and she reflects that when we say, "I love you", we actually mean, "do you love me?". It is so much customary to hear such remarks from our well intentioned brethren, "Don`t spend your time and energy on her. She is just not worth you", "When I needed them, no one was there", "What is there in it for me", "She used me", "The company does not care for me"etc. Most often we perceive our relationships with people, places, organizations, etc as treaties. I am entitled to do certain things, only when I get certain other things in return.
Our lives most of the times are guided by an inexorable urge to expect something in return. We would not even smile at a person, if that person does not return it to us in same grace.
Going by the lines of Darwin, it appears customary that such a response is normal, and is hard wired in humans and all other living organisms, needed very much for their survival. Darwin goes even further to attribute beauty and aesthetics to drive to reproduce.
I beg to differ from Darwin in today's age. Darwinian theory might be apt for most of the species inhabiting this planet. But in today's era, I believe humans have transcended such a simplistic model. I feel the brain is capable to evolve to a place where expectations are non-existent. It is possible for a human to stand for a purpose, a story, a value, a love, a believe, or whatever which gives her a meaning for existence, and she enjoys being in that state. For her what she gets back in return is irrelevant.
For example a human might be in pure and profound love with another human, but really does not expect anything from her. It might be irrelevant whether the other person is good, or worth, or even loves her back. This is a state of human defiance of the needs of our genes. This is a place where a human differentiates itself from other species in the ecosystem.
A person might be so much in love with her work, that she does not care whether she is taken care by the company she belongs to. She derives her pleasure from the work.
Here I am not stating humans to be in in-sensitive and hopeless state where there is no urge left to get any enjoyment. I am just proposing here that humans have achieved that stage of evolution, where they can be in a state where their personal needs become irrelevant. Those needs might remain, and it might be good if they are gratified. But that they become irrelevant while leading ones life.
This idea can be illustrated in the fact when a person says the following - "I love her, although I know she hates me. It is actually irrelevant she loves me or not. It is that I feel so happy being in love for her". Or when a person says about his work, "When I am in the shop floor, I am just one with the work. I forget my existence. I dont realize the passing of time. Even I am absent to the fact that I am hungry".
Such disappearance of ones self, and being one with a goal - an action - a work, a way of being, which the person likes, and is also good at, had been termed differently by different authors. Some call it, "being in your elements". Some say you are in "FLOW". Some say you are "one with your intension". Some say you are "one with universal consciousness".
Such a state of defiance of conditionality at every aspect of ones existence raises a person to a vantage point of absolute freedom. A place of being, where the person is not dependent on any circumstance, any person or any organization to derive her happiness and fulfillment. Being in a state of independence from any expectation, a person is not attached and constrained by just one way of unfolding of things. Rather the person is open to any possibility. This enables a person to have more courage to try out novel endeavors which inspires her, and moves her.
To summarize my thoughts, I would like to put them the following points -
1. It is important to discover what a person really likes - Something which the person is at the top of the world doing it. Prof. Csikszentmihalyi call this identification of a domain
2. It is important for the person to pursue her love for the selected domain, and gradually increase the "complexity" of he consciousness pertaining to the chosen domain.
3. Having a goal bigger than life, which aims at the domain and impacting the humanity as a whole by working in the domain. It is about creating a story which is bigger than ones life, which shapes the person's passion for the domain to enhancing the domain itself, and thus enabling the humanity to achieve something which it was not present to.
4. Always being in a state of a giver, and not a taker.
5. Enjoy life's every small gift. Using the trivial chores of everyday life as a vehicle to make a difference, learn something new, love more, care more, understand and appreciate.
6. Be free, open, loving, caring, and responsible.
7. In interpersonal relationship always remember that when you love someone, it does not necessarily mean that the other person will also love you. This expectation from the other person is actually irrelevant, and totally out of place. Love begins and ends within. Dr. Wayne Dyer has put this thought very beautifully in the following words -
"Love" is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you.
8. Always invest enough psychic energy to de-mystify one's own self to be able to know what is that one really love doing - something that comes naturally to the person.
9.Knowing that life is short, and it can abruptly end any day, any moment. So, live life fully, doing what you love to do, loving as much as you can, and enjoy life's simple moments.
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