I have learnt that for ones sustained wellbeing, it helps to have no expectations from the outside world - either people, things or events. Yes, in theory it makes sense that being in this state will obviously cause no heart burn and disappointment.
But at the same time it has to be acknowledged that it is impossible to be in that state of being, for a sustained period of time in ones life.
I have discovered that it is rather easy to be in that state if one replaces the craving urge with another way be of being - The Giving Instinct. Can a person always remind to herself that life is all about serving, and giving? Yes, that is doable.
In my life, every moment, I remind myself, am I being a service provider, in whatever I do. In my interactions with colleagues, family, friends, etc, am I being someone who is making a difference, or giving something to somebody, or being in a place which is all about giving. This state of being, helps me to lift myself out of being craving, asking and clinging.
It is not about being "good" not being in the sucking mode of asking, expecting, craving, and clinging. It is just because it is more inspiring to be in the opposite state of being. It gives me a feeling of wellbeing, happiness and joy, being in a state of much higher energy. This helps me create meaning for myself.
Life intrinsically is meaningless. This is because, no matter what we do, achieve or hoard in this period of our existence, we are going to die, and dis-integrate into mud. But having said that, it is also true that we can certainly attach meaning to our life. Being in the state of being a service provider, where you exist because for others, creates a meaningful context to be alive.
Being in that state of being, you find more friends, and there is a happy world that is created around you. This is because, you are a radiating entity of joy. People by design get attracted to you, circumstance by design become better, and hence life becomes more meaningful.
I have realized that the most important thing to keep in mind is to remind oneself, whether she is being in the state of a giver, or a state of the taker. The former one is always the smarted way of being, and one has to discipline oneself to be in that state, every moment. The old Hindi song puts it beautifully - "Tum be-sahaara ho to, kisi ka sahara bano...tumhe khud hi sahaara mil jayega". It means if you are vulnerable, be someone's else's support. You will automatically transcend your vulnerability. It is certainly inspiring to be like Sun - always giving to the world, rather than being a parasite, whose life is all about what it can take from others.
Having stabilized oneself in this state of being, one is automatically drawn to the state of being where she does not have any expectations. Life is all about thriving in whatever happens in reality.
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Interesting..However, I find it to be as difficult as having no expectations. You tell yourself to be in the constant state of giving, helping etc...however, if and when that's not acknowledged, if and when that's interpreted in an opposite way....it somehow weakens your ability to be in that mode again....unless, as you said you keep reminding urself that ur sole motive is to give....and not expect even an acknowledgement of it..
ReplyDeleteShreshtha - It is not about being charitable to remind oneself that ones sole motive is to give and not expect even an ack of it. On contrary by breathing inside the context of selfless service,one is able to free oneself of the bondages of ones own ego, fear, defenses, needs, self importance etc.
ReplyDeleteIt is about recognizing that immense desire of being acknowledged, and to be loved.At the same time going beyond that need, creating an understanding that it is just another force (of ego) which is casting its spell on us making us craving for that ack.
Recognizing this spell, is a freeing realization.